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Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Top 11 Worst Movies I saw in 2009

By John C.

Though I avoided a Sandra Bullock “romantic-comedy” (All About Steve), that was advertised by cringe-inducing trailers, and Roland Emerich’s latest disastrous disaster-pic, (need I say what it is?), I still managed to see enough lousy films to make up a ten-worst list, that goes to eleven.

Though I didn’t see every bad looking film that I didn’t want to, (thank goodness), here are the top 11 films I saw that left me either confused, bored, irritated, depressed or disgusted. Or in the case of my number one pick, absolutely manic over how bad it was. Or in the case of my number zero pick, all of those things put together, excluding the manic...

10 - My Sister’s Keeper - Melodramatic, over the top cancer-schlock, that I fear I overrated with **1/2 stars. For every moment that might’ve worked, there were at least three that left me nauseous.

9 - Mothers & Daughters - Doesn’t work as comedy or tragedy. While there were a few sweet moments, overall it just felt like someone else's personal video that I just shouldn’t be watching.

8 - Crossing Over - Overacted and predictable, with some un-intentioned laughs.

7 - He’s Just Not That Into You - Un-romantic, un-funny and boring, boring, boring.

6 - How To Be - Stupid, obnoxious and just too depressed.

5 - Finn on The Fly - Stupid, incredibly obnoxious and near-terrible.

4 - Away We Go - Nothing to like here. Quite sad, really, from such a talented cast & crew. “I guess I could be pretty p***** off about having to watch this movie... but it’s hard to stay mad, when there’s so much beauty in the world”.

3 - My Effortless Brilliance - Mundane, dumb and boring. It just didn’t work as anything other than a bad movie.

2 - Suzie - Depressing depiction of autism and mental health. A sloppy, poorly made film, right through to that confusing and, quite frankly, laughable ending.

1 - Angel - If I told you that Angel was an absolute disaster, I’d do so with a big smile on my face. It’s hilariously terrible. One of the worst/funniest things I’ve seen.

0 - How to Get Rid of the Others - You’ve probably never heard of this, and for good reason. This is a vile film. Heed my warning, this is the worst, most disturbingly-disgusting piece of trash I have ever seen. I can’t believe I even watched it right through to that awful, and I mean absolutely cringe-inducingly sadistic and cruel, finale. I never even bothered writing a review, because then I would have had to force myself to think about the movie after watching it. As of now, there is a level zero.

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